i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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