Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
