some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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