if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
