last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
