Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
