in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
