That's intense
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
