Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
