I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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