It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
