i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
