what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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