i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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