my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
