why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i will never coherently bang her
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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