sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
