coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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