god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
