1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
