she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
