Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
