I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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