Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
