I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Randomize
