In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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