he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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