Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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