i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
