I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
