I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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