Tell her she can't have a vagina
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
