note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
