I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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