Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
