Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
