Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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