I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
