Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
