Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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