I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The best revenge is premature balding
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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