She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize