Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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