So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
