Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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