Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I did not marry a roomba.
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