I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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