He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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