Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
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