i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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