508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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