I wish my penis had an off switch
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
