She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
