I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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