I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
