He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
