What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
