My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
