I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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