Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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