how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
