it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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