This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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