Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
