if only i could text you this smell
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
