The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
