I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
