Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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