I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
