how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
