i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
