In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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