I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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